Becoming Your Own Guru

In the midst of redesigning my website (the one you're reading now, or it could just be me hangin' out alone in outer space, all G), I found myself overcome with a strange combination of excitement and angst - strange because, to be honest; mostly angst. I had just qualified as a Yoga Teacher in the middle of a pandemic - after a year of delaying my travels to earn my qualification. As significant a milestone that should have been to me, I was unexpectedly met with dread about 'putting myself out there' to begin the next chapter.


Throughout the last 14 months of training, all I had heard from friends in the yoga world is that "You have to dive right in, or you'll never do it! Feel the fear and do it anyway!" and this had always been my intention...


Enter: Covid.


Initially, I was planning to stall teaching until it became clear that our little viral friend and the restrictions it brought weren't hurrying away. Thus, I started to feel anxious about the fact I didn't 'dive right in' as per everybody's advice to me.


Suddenly, I found myself under a blanket of self induced pressure, trying to obtain normalcy in a world that's anything but. I hadn't taught a class in months and my confidence began to dwindle, subsequently leading me to question teaching at all (and, right on cue) life in general. Everything else I 'worked for' had unfolded so organically that it felt natural for doubts to arise. But, I knew that I had to start somewhere - and small - so, eventually entrusted my best friend and yogi enthusiast to allow me teach her some free classes to get into the swing of things. Hearing her giggles at the other side of the screen definitely eased my nerves, and as satisfactory it felt to complete our class together with positive feedback, I couldn't help but continue feeling drowned by an undeniable wave of overwhelm. This wasn't ordinary 'new beginning' jit